Tokyo tit parade.

I have no idea why I chose that title other than it being a Monty Python reference. Here's some Japanese trivia for you, in the form of a question and answer:

Q. Why are all taxis in Tokyo required to be Toyota Crown models?

A. I don't know.

And I don't want to know. Surely it's some deal they have with Toyota, but I'll be fucked if I can figure out why they're all a model that went out of fashion 30 years ago. And here's some a Monty Python trivia: Monty Python's Flying Circus had a few working titles before they went with that one, including Gwen Dibley's Flying Circus. I wish they'd gone with that.

Anyway, toilets.

I'd love to be one of those people who have a regular bowel movement when they get up, or better yet, before they get up, but I'm not. My bowels prefer to loosen at a time that is convenient to them, like on the way to work, or during a job interview. If I was a doctor, I'd always need to have shit right in the middle of performing surgery.

So it is with great confidence I venture out into Tokyo, knowing that there are toilets everywhere. Not just toilets, but comfortable, un-vandalised ones.

I can recall a veritable catalogue of times I've needed to poop in Melbourne, and the public toilets are always the same. An stainless steel bowl, no toilet seat, a hypodermic needle discarded near the s-bend, and shit sprayed all up the wall. If you discover one of the 14 public toilets in Melb that have an actual seat, it will either be cracked or have piss all over it. There will also never be toilet paper.

Even then, it's still marginally better than no toilet at all, which is what you won't get at 95% of train stations in Melbourne. Here, every station has a toilet, and they're always clean. This is partly to blame on the cunts that run our shitty privatised transport network, but also on the type of shitty people we breed in Australia.

Even if they did open the toilets at each station, they'd be vandalised inside 24 hours, unless you posted a private security group across the whole network, you know, kind of like the... security guards... that are now at each station... every night. What do we pay for again?

Anyway!

Today I went to Shibuya. That's where the pedestrian crossing is that features in every movie about Japan made by people who aren't Japanese. I was very impressed by the fact that it is, indeed, a pedestrian crossing. Here is a photo of it:

Here is another photo of it featuring people using it for its designated purpose:

Wonderful.

I wandered up from there and entered Shibuya Gyoen, a massive park not unlike the one I visited in Shinjuku. This was less ornamental and more functional. It being a Sunday, families were out in force, as were many groups of young people picnicking and playing musical instruments. I came across a specially fenced off area that was the designated off-leash area for dogs, so I let myself in and had a seat.

That little Shiba Inu in the photo took a liking to me, and helpfully put some dirt on my pants and the iPad. He then took off after a miniature whippet that promptly shat itself in terror. No wolfhounds, sadly.

On my way back out of the park, I was fortunate to catch a performance by a group of people called 'The Strangers'. These guys dress in denim and style their hair in a kind of rockabilly bouffant, then dance hilariously to knock-off 50's music.

Leaving them to their gyrations, I crossed into Meiji Jingu, another park-type area, but more fortified with fencing and security. This is because it is a Shinto shrine, dedicated to the Emperor Meiji. Pant-wettingly beautiful, I took in the Azalea garden and natural spring water well before entering the shrine proper.

I followed tradition and wrote down a prayer for the health, wealth and wellbeing of my family and deposited it into the votive box, then made a bow at the shrine itself.

All of this had somehow taken 8 hours, so I traipsed back into Shibuya Central and purchased my 26th coffee for the day. The metal gods shined on me at that moment, and I noticed the sign for Blitz, a metal music store. Here I purchased 3 t-shirts, to go with my Belphegor purchase of yesterday. Nile, Mayhem and Marduk have joined my closet.

My back hurts from carrying around the backpack all day, so I have repaired to the hotel once more, for some heavy reading.