Prague rhymes with 'Flarg'.

If I had to choose a UK or European city to live in that wasn't Edinburgh, I could do a lot worse than Prague. What an absolutely beautiful city. The River Vltava cuts the city in two, and is spanned by many bridges, each decidedly different in style and age. The Charles Bridge was built in 1357 and is still standing strong. It also looks much nicer than the iron turds they built further downriver.
I was staying on the 4th floor of an apartment building across from the main city, with a nice guy called Carl and his little spaniel Winston. It turned out Carl is a drummer as well, and was heading out the night I arrived to play a gig. Since his girlfriend was away, I offered to look after Winston instead of him having to go in his cage, and we had a grand old time, playing fetch and drinking from the toilet.
I spent a whole day meandering through the city streets, and taking a diversion through one of the National Museums, which, it must be said, was pretty laughable. I paid €10 to see the 'Wild Life' exhibition, and while it was well put together and quite informative, it only covered a space about the size of about 2 tennis courts. I popped out the other side and had to ask the attendant if I'd missed something.
No matter. I resumed walking and crossed the Charles Bridge into the old town, where the streets are still cobbled and the trams wend their way through the twisted, sloping streets. The souvenir stands were abundant but not too tacky; they were almost reserved in their offerings. Great street food was readily available and I may have over-indulged.
Czech women are beautiful creatures, and I got a sore neck from twisting my head around to see amazing bottoms in very short shorts. I could have stayed longer, but I had to bid Winston adieu and move on.

Which leads me to Vienna. Vienna is like a fart during sex; it's a slight mistake during an otherwise enjoyable excursion. If the whole city looked like the grounds of the Schonbrunn Palace, it's most beautiful and charming landmark, it'd be heaven. Finely manicured gardens amongst avenues of leafy green trees, offset by grandiose fountains and the impressive edifice of the palace itself, it is an amazing place.
I walked at least 15 kilometres through the rest of the city, and it was unrelentingly shitty. Identically drab buildings extend as far as the eye can see, and every third business is a fucking kebab joint. Don't get me wrong, I love a kebab, but this is like a self-replicating virus of kebab. It might have been different in the days of Brahms and Strauss, but to me it seemed like the whole city was populated by Habib and family.
Perhaps with further exploration, there are other places to see and neighbourhoods that might feel welcoming, but in my admittedly limited experience, this place is awful.
Onwards to Budapest.