In the rainy season.

Yesterday, I rode this:

And this:

That is all.

Kitty rescue squad.

Well, isn't this nice. Sitting outside a cafe, while the rains falls gently on the plaza before me. Groups of schoolchildren run by, laughing as they scramble for cover. A mime plies her trade under the protection of a tree, her slow, methodical movements given strange poignancy by the drizzle surrounding her.

A man walks past unhurriedly, apparently unfazed by the rain, indeed, uncaring at his saturated state. He swigs from a can of beer; not his first, it would seem, as he gives vent to feelings I can only guess at, delivered in a language I only understand the basics of.

I visit the National Museum of History and Science, which is merely a flyspeck compared to its formidable brethren in London, but an interesting diversion no less, with a full size plesiosaur suspended from the ceiling, some questionable taxidermy, and a Foucault Pendulum. I'm always pleased to see one, if only to conjure memories of one of my favourite novels.

The Ueno Zoo is my next stop, which is similar to most zoos I've ever been to; the animals always seem unhappy, the enclosures are too small, and everything smells of shit and piss. There are some species of bird I've never seen before, and the lowland gorillas seemed to be having an uproarious time, play fighting in straw of their pen.

Upon my exit on the other side of the zoo, I realise that I am back at the park that I write about in my second entry.

It is enormous, and I circle part of it again, to watch the koi and the turtles jostle for position amongst the lilies.

Walking back through Akihabara, I come to the conclusion that buying as many game consoles that will fit in my suitcase is a pointless exercise, as they're not multi-region, and thus probably more effort than they're worth. To assuage my sadness, I venture into a maid cafe.

After being seated by an admittedly cute maid, I choose the chocolate parfait to eat. It comes with mini Oreo's stuck to it, and an urging by my maid that we make cute faces at it and make a heart symbol with our hands, which I happily do.

The whole premise is much like a bar staffed with topless girls. They don't really want to be there, it's just a job. You're the 50th mouth-breathing pervert they've had to deal with today, and they'd just like to go home.

Still, they put on a choreographed dance to some frenetic J-pop, and I clap along dutifully.

It's been a long day, and by the time I make it back to the shopping strip of Asakusa, near my hotel, it's 9:00, and I estimate I've walked at least 15 kilometres. I want to get some food, and go to bed.

That's when I hear the meowing. It's a very loud, piercing meow, and my first thought is that someone has it as their phone SMS alert. But no, that definitely a cat, and other people can hear it too, I can see them looking around in confusion.

Honing in, I can hear it seemingly coming from the wheel well of a taxi waiting at the rank. Motioning to the elderly taxi driver not to move, I lie down in the gutter to get a look under the car. Hanging out from the bottom of the engine bay is a leg, and face of a kitten, panting furiously and meowing.

Obviously it has climbed in to enjoy the warmth at some point, and been taken for a ride. I reach in to grab it, but its fear makes it retreat back into the bay. I stand up to motion to the driver that he has a cat stuck in his car, and at this point there's already a small crowd. They can tell what's going on, and they tell the driver in Japanese. He maintains he must move forward in the rank, and so moves two car spaces up.

I get down in front of the car, and see that the kitten has poked his head out the other side of the bay. I nearly stick my head out into traffic manoeuvring into a place to get it, but he retreats again.

But now he's onto me, and he finally drops to the road, and makes a break for it, luckily on the gutter side. I get up to chase it, and there's now about 15 people standing around, watching this kitten run for its life. They turn to me and cheer. I receive pats on the back and a handshake or three, but I'm back on the trail of the kitten, who has run down the subway steps, taking refuge in a small alcove.

More people are crowded around, but they just stand and stare. I just squat down and pick it up, and it wriggles with a fury born of desperation. I make it back up the steps before he turns in my hands and bites deeply into my index finger. I accidentally drop him, and he runs again, this time into a very narrow alley between buildings.

I would follow, but it is fenced off, the gate locked. Sadly, I must leave him to his fate.

I am now dirty, and wondering if feral cats in Japan carry any types of disease I should worry about. May as well find a hospital! I go to the nearest police box and ask where the nearest hospital is. Just up the road, I am told.

I follow the directions and indeed find the hospital, but... it's closed. Perhaps this one has no emergency ward?

I look on my Google Map, and see there's a clinic 2 kilometres away. I set off, thinking I'll just pay a doctor to answer a simple question. Are feral cats in Japan filthy disease carrying pests? If not, I won't worry.

Oops! The 'clinic' is a Dental clinic. Ha ha! Google Maps didn't specify that! It does specify that there's yet another hospital approximately 2 kilometres away, again. Good, this one will be open.

Except it isn't. Where the fuck am I? Greenland? I just need some doctor advice! Fuck!

I ask Siri. 'Siri, where is the closest 24-hour hospital?' She shows me on Apple Maps. Taito General Hospital. 3 kilometres away. Okay! Let's do this!

Oh Siri, you scamp! It's closed too!

Getting frustrated, I head to another police box, the question burning in my brain. 'What do you do if you cut your arm off after 9:00? Get the gaffa tape out and wait until the morning? Fucking idiots.'

Four policemen attempt to help me, with using Google translate to try and get my point across. I can tell they think it's amusing. Not me, specifically, but the situation. I probably would too.

After 20 minutes on the phone, one of them informs me that an ambulance is on the way. Jesus, I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition! I just wanted to ask a question of a medical professional!

They bundle me into the ambulance, and check my vitals. The driver speaks to a superior on his phone. I am told we are going to another hospital. What do I say? Off we drive, into the night.

At the apparent hospital, which looks like an emergency room but isn't because they don't have emergency rooms, I am attended to by 3 nurses, who then consult a doctor. Finally, in broken English, the doctor tells me that 'No, cats in Japan aren't considered to carry terrible diseases, no more than any other cat. Keep an eye on the wound, get it checked when you get home. Otherwise you should be okay.'

Well fucking hallelujah! I was so happy I was about to suggest we all whistle 'Zippedy Doo-Dah' out of our assholes, but then the 4th nurse said 'That'll be $300 please'.

...

Fine! Take the money! It's all good!

In an alternate universe, I had a few beers with the nurses to take the edge off, and floated away into the sultry night on a flying carpet.

In this universe, I walked back to the hotel and ate an ice cream, then fell asleep with my penis in my hand trying to masturbate to clown porn.

My friend, the deer.

This is Jehuty Bivalve-Fronkey.

Unbeknownst to everyone, he has been my travel companion while here in Japan. I actually met him at Narita Airport, and we bonded over a coffee. He told me that he was trying to get back to his family on Miyajima Island, and wondered if I could help him.

I said I'd be going there eventually, and told him I'd get him there safely if he'd agree to accompany me on all my stops until we hit Hiroshima. He seemed happy with the whole deal, and so it was today I bid him farewell.

His home, it must be said, is amazingly beautiful, one you get past all the tourist crap. Like, 'punch yourself in the dick' level of beautiful.

After I said my goodbyes, Jehuty bounced away, shitting gleefully with each be-hooved step. I shed a tear, and resolved to see as much of his home as possible. First, I thought, I'll tackle this mountain. After all, I reached the summit of the last one with energy to spare.

Well, Mt. Misen defeated me. Much steeper than the previous mountain, the signpost said I'd only done 1.6 kilometres out of the whole 2.9, but I could feel myself 'overheating', as I call it. Where most people can exert themselves and shed sweat to compensate, my body just builds up steam until I turn a worrying shade of red and literally radiate heat.

The stubborn part of me wanted to press on, but I made the right call, and turned around. When I reached the base of the mountain, a quick check in a mirror showed I was indeed 'overheating'.

Dousing myself in water, I decided to seek more sedentary pursuits. The Miyajima aquarium seemed to fit the bill, so I wandered around there for an hour or so. Most aquatic life was repeated from the Osaka aquarium, excepting penguins, and I was lucky enough to stumble upon feeding time, and a limited window where I was allowed to pat a penguin. It was completely nonplussed by my touch, and just wanted more fish to eat.

Leaving there, and continuing the saga of patting animals, Jehuty's family are allowed free roam of the whole island, so I patted every single deer I could find. Which was a fucking lot of deer, to be honest. Wandering back into the tourist area, I purchased some gifts for the loved ones back home, and also some for my family. Zing!

The tide had receded fully by this time, so I was able to walk out to the Torii gate and take some photos. Associated as they are with Shinto shrines, I couldn't help but think this one was doubling as a gentle prayer to the gods, asking them to prevent the deer from shitting everywhere.

Hiroshima, party town.

As I was explaining to my wife, I feel that some places you just 'connect' with, and some you don't. I connected well to London, not at all with France, and I connected very well to Scotland. I really like Tokyo, Kyoto was excellent, but Osaka was shit.

So it is that I sit in my ryokan (traditional Japanese housing, or inn) in Hiroshima, reflecting that while this place went through one of the most horrific trials man has inflicted on man, it doesn't make it any less boring 70 years later.

Don't get me wrong, it's better than Osaka, there's just not a whole lot to do. Still, I just returned from having dinner, one that would have cost $50 easily at home, all for $22 or the equivalent.

When I arrived yesterday, I was lucky enough to stumble across a great example of Japan's apparent casual acceptance of pedophilia. I watched with amusement as a group of young, barely pubescent girls sang and danced their way through one of their songs to the delight of their fans... who were primarily men aged twenty and up. The real die-yards, like the guy below, must have been in their late 40's, early 50's. Note the love hearts drawn up his arm. He knew all the words, knew the dance moves, and he was One of several guys with very powerful cameras.

And it seems to be okay here. I like to think that at home, the cops would just be waiting with handcuffs for this guy. 'This dude is a pair of used panties away from snapping, John. Best we bring him in now.'

My hotel is literally around the corner from the Peace Park, and the A-Bomb Dome, both memorials to the dropping of the bomb. Apparently the dome was directly underneath the detonation point, and as such was not instantly blown to smithereens. It just killed everyone inside and vaporised anything not concrete or steel. The information boards dotted around the site say that the Japanese government was of two minds about the site, with one side saying they should knock it down like everything else and start again, and the other side lobbying to leave it standing for posterity, and as a warning.

I think that warning is wearing a little thin these days, with shitty countries like North Korea strutting about with their dicks hanging out, saying 'look at our nukes. Nothing bad ever came of these beauties!'

I walked in one direction today to see what I could see. After about 5 kilometres, the answer was 'buildings', but I expect that change tomorrow when I catch a train, and then ferry, over to Miyajima Island.

As a childhood memory bonus, I walked into a hobby store, and in a glass cabinet was a toy that I haven't seen in 20 years. 'Fucking ZOIDS!' I exclaimed, for indeed, it was a ZOID. A little too expensive for me to bring back, but it was an exhilarating sight. I have no idea where Mum/Dad would have picked that up in 1985, but I'm glad they did.

Under the sea.

Yesterday was spent wandering through Osaka's busy streets and poking my nose into things that looked interesting. Osaka's version of Akihabara, Den-Den Town, is a bit run down and dirty, but still kept me entertained.

On the subway this morning was a mentally disabled person whose way of keeping busy involved staring intently at his little palm-sized figurine of a whale, then licking its face every 60 seconds. Made a refreshing change from most mentally disabled people, Lord have mercy on them, who are usually trying to chew their own face off, or screaming at the wall or something.

In stark contrast to Universal Studios Japan, I paid $23 to enter the Osaka Aquarium, and enjoyed myself thoroughly. I can only imagine the nightmare this place must be when visited on the weekend, or during school holidays, but it was fairly sedate whilst I strolled through.

The sea otters did delightful sea ottery things, including the large one below who was enjoying himself by munching on an ice cube.

I can't pretend that I know the names of all the seafood I saw, but the biggest was a... type of whale/shark thing. My wife would know what it's called.

Above: A fucking metroid.

All in all, most tanks were enormous, and all aquatic life seemed reasonably happy. Nearing the exit, they had shallow tank populated with small stingray and basking sharks, and provided you were adult and gentle, you could pat them. I did so with gusto.

Stingray feel like a cross between a sponge and KY Jelly, and basking sharks feel like a crusty leather handbag, but wet. Leaving the aquarium, I entered the entertainment plaza next door, and happily paid for another type of 'animal cafe', or more precisely, 'petting zoo'. Instead of just cats, the main room had dogs and cats, and pigs! I tried to give some love to all, but I was spread pretty thin. It was then I saw some people come out of a door to my left, so I wandered through to see if there some more dogs, but this room contained kangaroos, capybaras (!) turtles, a fucking llama, an iguana and two owls.

Oh Japan, you so wacky!

I've always wanted to pat a capybara, and now I have.

Above: A capybara.

Catching the subway back to near my hotel, I walked in the opposite direction and entered Osaka Castle. A wonderful history tour, I happily read about the lords Ieyasu Tokogawa (who I've played as in video game form) and Toyotomi Hideyoshi, and their battles for the castle, the daily lives of people living in this era, and more that I've already forgotten.

For dinner, in Japan mind you, I sat in an Indian restaurant and ate curry, while watching scenes from a Bollywood film that were filmed in Federation Square.

Imaginary conversations.

Staff: 'Welcome to Universal Studios Japan theme park sir! Will you be purchasing a ticket for entry today?'

Me: Yes please. How much is that?

Staff: 'That will be $75 dollars, sir.'

Me: I see. And does that come with a blowjob?

Staff: 'I don't believe so sir.'

Me: Because for that price, I'd like a nice sloppy blowjob thrown in. Gagging and everything. Strings of saliva just flying about.

Staff: 'Enjoy the park, sir!'

Staff: 'Hello sir, welcome to the Hollywood Dream roller coaster! Will you be riding today?'

Me: So far it's the sole reason I forked over $75, so let's have at it.

Staff: 'Very good sir. Please join the queue.'

Me: Which one? There are two for the same ride.

Staff: 'Would you like to ride the coaster facing forward sir, or backwards?'

Me: Well, backwards, of course. The more puke-inducing the better.

Small Korean Girl: Aiiee! I shit pant!

Staff: 'Did you have fun, sir?'

Me: BARFP! Yes indeed. Please, kindly direct me to all of your other roller coasters so that I may continue to keep this shit-eating grin plastered across my face.

Staff: 'This is the only coaster in the park, sir.'

Me: I hate you.

Staff: 'Welcome to the Jaws themed pizza restaurant at Universal Studios Japan, sir! What kind of pizza would you like as long as it's tuna and corn pizza?'

Me: Um, could I have something else, besides tuna and corn pizza?

Staff: 'Certainly sir! Would you like some tuna and corn pizza instead?'

Me: Ah, this place looks like it serves more traditional pizza. Excuse me, how much for a large pizza?

Staff: 'Only one size, sir. Medium. That'll be 36 dollars, please.'

Me: Hmmm, I'll pass on the pizza. Could you shove something rusty and sharp into my urethra instead?

Staff: 'Sir! Sir! We are sorry for the pizza fiasco. Wouldn't you like to go on some of the great looking rides in the Jurassic Park area of Universal Studios Japan?'

Me: Why, yes, actually. One of the reasons I came.

Staff: 'Well, you can't, sir. The whole area is shut for renovations!'

Me: I hate you.

Staff: 'How about an entire area dedicated to Harry Potter, sir?'

Me: Sorry, my wife didn't accompany me on this trip. I have no desire to enter Hogwarts, unless you have pictures of Emma Watsons vagina in 4K resolution.

Staff: 'Please buy a plastic wand for $49.95!'

Me: Is there anything else to do here? Other than buy tacky souvenirs?

Staff: 'Certainly sir. How about hopping aboard the Jaws ride, filled with explosions of water, scares and thrills, and a convincing animatronic shark?'

Me: Sure. How long long is the queue time?

Staff: 'Only 90 minutes, sir!'

Me: Bye.

Staff: 'Wait! How about the Resident Evil 4D Animated film?'

Me: I'm listening.

Staff: 'It's closed.'

Me: Fuck you.

Facing fears.

Yesterday I took it relatively easy, and took the long way 'round to Akihabara station. Switching trains, I got off at the Tokyo Dome for the sole purpose of riding a roller coaster that sits atop a building. Heart pounding and my mouth dry, I forced myself to pay and sit in the seat. The ride started and we proceed steeply up to the summit. At its peak, I estimate I was at least 13-14 storeys high.

I wanted to shit/piss/vomit/cry all at once, and then we dropped, and my head emptied of all thoughts for the next 90 seconds. It was fantastic.

I haven't been on a proper coaster like that in at least 20 years, and I can't wait for my trip to Fuji-Q park late next week. I am certain some wee came out, but it was a small price to pay.

Disembarking, I noticed that they sold photos of you on the ride, taken at specific points. I didn't buy one, as they were prohibitively expensive, but they were certainly illustrative. The first was me after the big drop, and my face says "I want my Mummy" while the last shot said "I'm a big boy and I'm having lots of fun!"

I then walked a fair distance to Edo castle, a vast fortress in the middle of a lake, previously home to an emperor. It was shut, so fuck you, Japan. I veered back into Akihabara and found solace in more video game stores and chocolate frappucinos.

Today, I left the hotel early and caught the Shinkansen (bullet train) to Kyoto. The trains come in 3 different models that go at different speeds, but the fastest one is not covered by my Japan Rail Pass. Which is just as well, really, because if it goes significantly faster than the model I caught, there's a distinct possibility you may go back in time.

Kyoto is surrounded by mountains, and it was to one of these I ventured, first inspecting the shrines at the bottom, and then wondering if it actually had a summit due to the sheer amount of steps I had to tackle. Fushimi Inari Shrine, as it is known, snakes all the way to the top of Mt. Inari, and the view that greeted me at the top was well worth the climb. I didn't take any photos on this iPad that I write the blog on, as I didn't want the extra weight of the backpack.

Still, the phrase 'dick-splittingly awesome view' should suffice. I will also refer to the mountain as Kitty Mountain in my memories, as when I scaled the summit, there were at least 7 house cats just wandering around. I am certain they must have been owned by the lady who was seemingly employed to clean up leaves and made her home at the top.

As I walked back into town, I spotted a familiar dog breed being walked by a woman, and I asked if I could pat the Australian Cattle Dog she was walking. She was Japanese, but it turned out she'd lived in the Hunter Valley for a few years and owned one there that she brought back to Japan with her. A small world etc, etc.

Onwards to Osaka tomorrow.

Tokyo tit parade.

I have no idea why I chose that title other than it being a Monty Python reference. Here's some Japanese trivia for you, in the form of a question and answer:

Q. Why are all taxis in Tokyo required to be Toyota Crown models?

A. I don't know.

And I don't want to know. Surely it's some deal they have with Toyota, but I'll be fucked if I can figure out why they're all a model that went out of fashion 30 years ago. And here's some a Monty Python trivia: Monty Python's Flying Circus had a few working titles before they went with that one, including Gwen Dibley's Flying Circus. I wish they'd gone with that.

Anyway, toilets.

I'd love to be one of those people who have a regular bowel movement when they get up, or better yet, before they get up, but I'm not. My bowels prefer to loosen at a time that is convenient to them, like on the way to work, or during a job interview. If I was a doctor, I'd always need to have shit right in the middle of performing surgery.

So it is with great confidence I venture out into Tokyo, knowing that there are toilets everywhere. Not just toilets, but comfortable, un-vandalised ones.

I can recall a veritable catalogue of times I've needed to poop in Melbourne, and the public toilets are always the same. An stainless steel bowl, no toilet seat, a hypodermic needle discarded near the s-bend, and shit sprayed all up the wall. If you discover one of the 14 public toilets in Melb that have an actual seat, it will either be cracked or have piss all over it. There will also never be toilet paper.

Even then, it's still marginally better than no toilet at all, which is what you won't get at 95% of train stations in Melbourne. Here, every station has a toilet, and they're always clean. This is partly to blame on the cunts that run our shitty privatised transport network, but also on the type of shitty people we breed in Australia.

Even if they did open the toilets at each station, they'd be vandalised inside 24 hours, unless you posted a private security group across the whole network, you know, kind of like the... security guards... that are now at each station... every night. What do we pay for again?

Anyway!

Today I went to Shibuya. That's where the pedestrian crossing is that features in every movie about Japan made by people who aren't Japanese. I was very impressed by the fact that it is, indeed, a pedestrian crossing. Here is a photo of it:

Here is another photo of it featuring people using it for its designated purpose:

Wonderful.

I wandered up from there and entered Shibuya Gyoen, a massive park not unlike the one I visited in Shinjuku. This was less ornamental and more functional. It being a Sunday, families were out in force, as were many groups of young people picnicking and playing musical instruments. I came across a specially fenced off area that was the designated off-leash area for dogs, so I let myself in and had a seat.

That little Shiba Inu in the photo took a liking to me, and helpfully put some dirt on my pants and the iPad. He then took off after a miniature whippet that promptly shat itself in terror. No wolfhounds, sadly.

On my way back out of the park, I was fortunate to catch a performance by a group of people called 'The Strangers'. These guys dress in denim and style their hair in a kind of rockabilly bouffant, then dance hilariously to knock-off 50's music.

Leaving them to their gyrations, I crossed into Meiji Jingu, another park-type area, but more fortified with fencing and security. This is because it is a Shinto shrine, dedicated to the Emperor Meiji. Pant-wettingly beautiful, I took in the Azalea garden and natural spring water well before entering the shrine proper.

I followed tradition and wrote down a prayer for the health, wealth and wellbeing of my family and deposited it into the votive box, then made a bow at the shrine itself.

All of this had somehow taken 8 hours, so I traipsed back into Shibuya Central and purchased my 26th coffee for the day. The metal gods shined on me at that moment, and I noticed the sign for Blitz, a metal music store. Here I purchased 3 t-shirts, to go with my Belphegor purchase of yesterday. Nile, Mayhem and Marduk have joined my closet.

My back hurts from carrying around the backpack all day, so I have repaired to the hotel once more, for some heavy reading.

Shinjuku, coffee and cat cafes.

I had left the hotel with the idea of going to central Tokyo, but when I reached the station, i opted for Shinjuku instead. Disembarking at about 9:20am, I was amused to find out that most business don't open until 11:00am on a Saturday, but trade until about 9:30pm. What a novel idea.

To pass the time, I tried to find another 'Excelsior Coffee', but I wasn't having any luck. The only place that offered a latte was Starbucks, so I wandered in there and got one. Passable, is all I'll say.

I wandered up and down the main thoroughfare until the store opened, and by that time I had spotted the 'Calico Cat Cafe'. I proceeded to the sixth floor and paid my 1,200 yen, and sat on cushions littered about the place while cats just roamed around. Like so:

You can pat the cats as much as you like, but you are forbidden from picking them up. To my delight, there was an Abyssinian wandering around, who could have been Ripley's brother.

He didn't take a shine to me, however. The only cat that did was ragged looking bag of shit whom I loved instantly. I don't recall the name of the breed, but he looked like he'd had his face caved in with a mallet. He appeared to have a cold and sneezed all over my hat, but we made friends. There were all types of breed represented, except perhaps the hairless cats, and I noted with interest that standard tabby cats in Japan appear to have been exposed to radiation, because they are significantly larger than the ones back home.

Leaving there, I wandered over to Shinjuku Gyoen National Garden. Similarities abounded between the Botanical Gardens in Melbourne, and I drifted aimlessly, taking photos and harassing wildlife.

Well, not so much 'harassment' as just hanging about and talking to the crows in a conversational manner. They are a different specie of Corvus, and like the cats, they are bigger than the ones at home. Their call is also markedly different.

I ambled back into Shinjuku proper, and found a music shop that sold shirts, from which I made a purchase. It's for the band 'Belphegor' and features an upside-down Christ on the cross, and the words "Shred for Satan". Lovely.

Tired, I made my way back to Otsuka and dined at a fantastic sushi restaurant, where I actually recalled some Japanese. The chef who made my meal seemed happy to hear 'Totemo oiishi desu yo, arigato gozaimasu.' Which just means 'that was very tasty, thank you'. On a whim, I then got my first ever proper barber shave, with a straight razor. Throat intact, I've now retired to the hotel for the night.

Akihabara ahoy.

Akihabara.

This place...

It's like someone created my version of heaven, then just changed the language so that I can't understand any of it. Look! A seven storey building of video games, model kits, naked anime girls and questionable pornography!

And it's all in Japanese.

Before you say "Congratulations, dickhead. You're in Japan.", I know this. I just didn't think it'd be this awesome, but out of my reach at the same time.

I've been walking around for about 4 hours, drinking cans of coffee out of vending machines, until I've come and sat here, in 'Excelsior Coffee', the first place that actually sells a traditional latte. Granted, it's made by a machine and has a resting temperature of about 94 degrees centigrade, but at least it's coffee. Sweet, though. Everything here from a vending machine is sweet, so far.

And vending machines themselves are everywhere. You won't go ten feet without seeing one.

I'm loving Japanese TV. I just make up the stories, or the news, as I go along. "Good evening, my name is Bubbles, and here is the news. Today, a volcano did absolutely nothing, and we filmed it from a helicopter. Here's a shot of the volcano again, just to reiterate that it is, indeed, doing nothing. Here is a picture of a monkey. NOW BUY SOME FUCKING SUNTORY WHISKEY. Arigato gozaimasu!"

And the booze is everywhere. Marcel warned me, but holy shit. Even children's TV show characters are hocking it. I'd be lying if I said the temptation isn't there, but it's far, far outweighed by the platinum-clad guarantee of waking up naked on a train somewhere, likely covered in blood.

Anyway, there's a Gundam cafe over the road calling my name. I'd better go.

9:00pm

Otsuka City Hotel

After wandering through Akihabara for a few more hours, I came across a lovely lake in a park. Didn't catch the name, but it was man made, apparently. Approximately 4000 square feet of it was covered completely with these large lillies, making it impossible to see the actual water. A bridge that spanned part of the lake afforded me a view of extremely large black koi, and small turtles, all vying for a snack dropped by the willing tourists.

Stray cats made their home in the bushes and flowerbeds that circled the lake, and a large black one allowed me to pat it for a while, before the rain made us both make a dash for cover.

Dinner was at 'Becker's', an apparent burger chain. Kudos to them for making the burger look like it does in the menu, but it was a tad on the greasy side. I now retire to my reasonably priced room with its reasonably comfortable bed, and prepare myself to get Crunky.

Mr. Pither's Cycling Tour... of Japan.

2nd of June

11:20pm

Hollow Bastion

One day left, and I'm boarding a plane by myself, something I honestly can't ever recall doing. Even in the days of flying to Sydney every month to stay with Dad, I always had Stebing by my side. Leaving Julie, Sorrow and Ripley will be difficult, my anchors to normalcy. But also my islands in the sea of anxiety.

My medication lets me function like a regular person, but it doesn't remove the beast. It just shuts it up so I don't have to listen to its bullshit every day. So the solo flight is a true test of my resolve and and a test of my sobriety. I drank pretty much all the way to London, in the self-medication days.

Eh, I'm not worried about the booze, just about being bored.

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